Perth, the first three weeks

Seashells Resort apartments are just great, really got lucky with our pick. Magnificent views every morning out across the Indian Ocean to Rottnest Island and all the shipping on the horizon, bloody marvellous!. Late at night, say after about 11.30, you get a fair few cars/vans, turning up, find a secluded spot, for about 20 minutes, then start up and leave. This goes on for about 2 hours. Wonder if Stan Collymore knows about this place?
It must also be a hot bed, as Our Wend, spotted a completely naked women, on the 2nd floor balcony of the block next door, with her Tush fully on show, she is convinced they were using the apartment to make a porno film. She told me the day after!!!!!
We have managed for the first week and a half without a car, sheer bliss, much to the disgust of the rest of the family. Gotta say, the public transport works, although you listen to the locals and they think its a load of crap. The buses and trains are spotless, run exactly on time and they are all air conditioned and dirt cheap. We went to Hillary's Harbour the other Saturday, its about 20 mins away, and it was $7 dollars for a family ticket, return (circa 4 quid).
We have done Hillary's Boat Harbour a couple of times now (they pulled a two year old out of the water yesterday who had drowned. They have charged his Mom with murder), its a lively spot, shops, cafe's, restaurants and stuff for the kids. Jetty jumping, swimming, water park, climbing frames and the like. Really spot on place day or night, feels safe and you can let the kids do their own thing whilst you have some lunch and people watch. The one place we stumbled across one lunch time was where all the lovely people go, whilst the kids are at school and Hubby is working his ass off, there swigging Chablis and talking tits, bums, nails and X Factor. Some things don't change wherever you are in the world, eh boys?
On a recent visit into Perth, on the bus (I ain't been on a bus for the longest and I bloody loved it), to sort the Bank stuff out and have a quick look at The City we were driven by Eric from Handsworth would you believe. He's been here a couple of years, really enjoying the change, although he's not sure yet if he will stay.
Kids have had a few surf lessons now, under the guidance of Paul (Lofty as he is known, 5ft 6in if that, I don't know either) and Mike, they are really getting on well, doesn't seem to be a problem when your that young. I've watched some 20/30 year olds having a lesson, they just ain't supple enough to get on that board quick.The one woman must have been at least 15 stone, I swear she didn't get upright in the three hours that I watched her, those surf instructors have no conscience when they are relieving you of $30!! Its a young, slim persons sport for sure. Lofty says the kids are the best youngsters he has seen in a long time. Mind you he keeps telling fatty she is getting better every lesson!!!
I did have one of me senior moments, the morning of the third surf lesson. There was all the regulars, including fatty, but also a new chap. So, started having a bit of a chat, very fit looking bloke, so I says "you done this before then mate?" "yeah, once or twice" he said. "you'll be fine" I said, "Lofty and Mike really seem to know what they are doing". Whilst we were hanging around and all waiting to set off for the beach, it suddenly dawned on me, all the surfers having lessons had yellow or red, 'rashies' (swim vests) on, but Lofty and Mike were wearing white rashies with 'Instructor' on, as was the bloke I had just been talking to!! I did feel a tit!!
Now, I'm not supposed to tell you this, so I'm gonna keep it very short and to the point. Just after surf lesson one day, Little Pete, got slightly caught short, well, very caught short and did deposit a specimen stool in his wet suit. You won't tell him I told you will you?
Down on the beach there are all sorts, we met an old couple from Abergavvenny, there are kite surfers, 100's of them, I can't figure out how they don't all get tangled together. Wind surfers, canoes, kayakers, body boarders, surfers, swimmers, paddlers (thats me), more folk than I have ever seen in the sea, on every contraption you can possibly imagine. Not to mention the folks just lying around on the sand!!!!!
Went to sort the Schools out for the kids, still refused to hire a car, so I barted with a taxi driver, and agreed a fare for a morning's hire. Background noise from the rest of the crew, 'why can't we just hire a car?' won't bore you with the Schooly thing, but the driver brought us back along Ocean Drive/Sunset Drive, WOW. The properties made your bloody eyes pop out, just incredible. It would seem that the thing to do is buy your own plot, then engage a builder to design & build the home of your dreams. There are very few spec built houses here, the spec built stuff is mainly apartments.
You may have heard that we have had one or two difficulties finding more permanent accommodation.
The Estate Agents (Realty) over here are not fully conversant with the term 'service' in fact they probably can't even spell it.
We now know the protocol to be, that
a) You go online and decide upon the property you are interested in. All the pictures of the properties have furniture in them. The fact is they are ALL unfurnished. As we ain't got a stick of furniture here or on the way, slight problem.
b) You enquire on line about a viewing.
c) Three/ four days later, IF you are very lucky, you get a response which tells you that there will be a viewing at a particular time, generally a week ahead, which will last 15 minutes.
d) You turn up, along with up to 20 others and all walk around together. No fun at all I can tell you.
e) IF you like it, fill a form in, offering the rent and indicate the period of Lease you would like, minimum is 6 months and handover, with the form the first weeks rent as a fee.
f) Four / five days later IF you are lucky you get a decision.
g) You have to make your mind up on the spot.
h) If you say yes, then later no, you lose your fee.
Bloody nightmare.
Anyway, we have now got ourselves a place which we move into on the 1st December. Its in a place called The Vines. Its got two golf courses ( hang on, Our Wend likes it), squash & tennis courts, two pools and a gym. So glad thats all sorted. Trouble is, the schools we got the kids into is about half hour drive, so we need to start looking again, when we get back off our road trip.
We did get a bit of a result when we went to The Vines to view the property, in that we saw our first Kanagaroo's, they were right by the 18th green on the golf course. Well we were excited.
Our Wend came down with he flu in the second week, so off we went to the Doc's. She really was bad, coughing like a 60 a day. As we did not have an appointment, we had to wait. Not in the waiting room, outside!! She was coughing that bad they insisted she sat on the verandah outside, that was a first for all of us. After about an hour we finally got called in. The Doc, immediately put a face mask on, "can't be too careful" and proceeded to examine her chest. Whilst this was going on Peter and I were whispering to each other in the corner of the room which was met with a "QUIET PLEASE" from the quack. Another first.
Now, Aussie Sue and her funny friends, most of which must be related to folks from 'Tamworth & Atherstone'!
As we told you before, she runs/owns/manages/serves at the cabin by the beach. Its just a small cafe really, with a few seats out under a canopy. This woman has a heart of gold, she has tried harder than anyone to sort out our accommodation problem. She must have called at least five of her supposed Realty friends. Every morning she would ask, "has so and so called you yet?" "no" would always be my reply, "wankers" was hers.
How can she be best described visually, to give you a picture in your mind, mmmm let me think, a man in drag, yeah, she looked like BOTH Ugly Sisters!! There is an awful lot of interbreeding gone on in her family line. I think her Mom was from Uzbekistan and her Husbands family were from the Battersea Dogs Home.
Every day she insisted on wearing very low cut tops and leaning over the counter when she was taking your order, always put me off me breakfast to be honest. Her main attributes, well there are two really, she reckons she makes all her own cakes and stuff and she talks but never listens. "Morning Peeeter how are ya?" "I'm f...", "great day, what you doing today?", "probably go t... " "had a terrible night you know, la, di da, di, da" talk the hind legs off a donkey.
The application of her make up was not really up to scratch either, always made her look very scary to me. Very dark eyes, fishy type lips and a boxers nose.
One day, she brought her lad Nick to the cabin. Now, a finer 'Atherstone' boy I had not seen in a long time, definitely 5 bottles short of a six pack, nice lad, but my, seriously scary. He was 11 years old, 5ft 2/3" and about 10.5 stone!! We took him to Hillary's Harbour one day, boy he could eat. fair play though he was a good as gold.
Sue's mates, we met two, Ian (an ex Bank employee) and Blodwen a neurotic. Within 5 mins of meeting her she was telling me in graphic detail about the 21 year old mate of her son that she was, well, you know. she is 52!! She reckons he only wants her for one thing, I agreed with her 100%, she didn't see the funny side!! Blodwen had to leave, so I then got accosted by Ian. Very engaging conversation, very enlightening, not very complimentary about Blodwen, said she was a nutter.
Saw Sue the next day, told him what Ian had said, she said 'ahh you don't wanna believe anything Ian says, hes a nutty as a fruit cake" shades of One Flew Over The Cuckoos Nest me thought!!
We are on the road now, touring south, so will bring you up to speed with that in the near future.
The Skerritts

                                    Room with a View

                                 First scary animal encounter

                                        True love, with Hillary's Harbour in the background

Night Night